Hey guys, I don’t know about you but I’m kinda worried about Ocean’s Ocho, despite the spectacular line up of stars appearing in it. I’m just not sure an all-female heist movie can work! Here’s why …
1) Everyone knows women are solitary creatures
If you’ve ever been privileged to see a female in the wild, you’ll know they just don’t tend to band together in single-sex groups like men do.
I mean, C’MON: when was the last time you saw a group of women working or eating together; going on outings; fundraising; staging events; having meetings; building stuff metaphorical and literal??
This is a man’s world and women know their place within it, after all … Which leads me to my next point.
2) Women are above *that sort of thing*
There’s a wide variety world-wide of all types of people of course, but overall there is a reason women tend to NOT be:
- Serial killers
- Criminals
- Sports people
- Thrill junkies
- Ghostbusters
And that’s because women just are above that sort of thing. We have an in-built sense not only of self preservation, but the LETTER OF THE LAW. It’s set through our bones like a stick of rock.
You know this makes sense.
3) Women are only interested in men
Look, this is just basic science. When you have a vagina, you know everything about about BEING female. (Plus as everyone knows, WOMEN TALK so if we miss anything, we can soon tell one another and fill in the blanks).
With this in mind then, it makes sense that women generally are interested in men – because men just aren’t like us. They’re almost like aliens, really if you think about it.
So it stands to reason that women would FAR rather watch all-male casts than all-female casts.
4) There’s just no money in it!
Even though female leads have made money at the box office in a variety of guises steadily since 2010, there’s just no way of knowing whether all-female casts will do the same. In fact, an all-female Ghostbusters sequel is in doubt because the first movie under-performed at the box office.
This is blatantly because the cast was all female, rather than a sustained racist and misogynist campaign by internet trolls who everyone knows we should all let speak FOR us.
So on the basis of this one movie not doing as well as hoped – and before VoD, DVD and other ancilliary markets are factored in to return – we should probably just take a lesson from those trolls in their mothers’ basements and say ‘Thanks but no thanks’.
5) We need a REASON it’s all female characters!
What’s really puzzling many people about the all-female reboots of franchises like Ocean’s Eleven is the fact we need a REASON there should be all women taking on this narrative, in this case a heist.
After all, as we’ve already established, women are naturally law-abiding citizens who don’t enjoy thrills and spills, PLUS they’re naturally solitary. So WTAF?
Also, a bigger issue: the original Ocean trilogy spent AGES painstakingly describing WHY THE HEIST COULD ONLY BE CONDUCTED BY MEN.
So now Hollywood has confused everyone and we’re all very sad.
Yes, Yes Kirsten Wiig I AM kidding you
Look, people. No one says you have to LIKE reboots but think very carefully about WHY you won’t be watching one with an all-female cast. We live in a screwed up world and it’s a LOT easier to fall for heirarchal BS than you think, even if you identify as feminist! TRUE STORY.
Oh, and if you’re saying, ‘Yeah but I want ORIGINAL STORIES with all-female casts!” Great, so do I. But how are these original stories going to magically appear in a risk-averse environment like Hollywood if we don’t give £££$$$ to tried-and-tested properties FIRST?
It’s about the money. It’s ALWAYS about the money. This can either be depressing or liberating. I know which one I’m going with … So, Ocean’s Ocho, bring it on.
Hi Lucy
At LSF 2016 I pitched a script with an almost all-female cast, and the response was always similar: A good concept, but this story doesn’t appeal to me. So the time may not be ripe for this. I’ll pitch it in 5 years again! 😉
Keep flying the flag! Good luck!
I normally love your posts, but this time I’m not sure where you are being serious and where you are being sarcastic. Totally confused. Maybe I’m a bit dense.
Arf … was the Kirsten Wiig gif not enough??? I AM KIDDING YOU 😉
In other words if it’s going to be primarily female, it better be better than any male counterpart for anyone to spend a dime on it. In truth, quite extraordinary.
I’m dreading Oceans Ocho, the potential to do something with an all female cast heist movie should have had writers salivating, instead five women, young, slim and beautiful rob a woman who is also young slim and beautiful, all whilst wearing designer clothing, seriously, I’m gonna watch Private Benjamin and Jumpin’ Jack Flash back to back instead.
Don’t think Bullock or Blanchett are that young, tbh. They must be in their 50s by now? Personally, I can’t wait!!!
Must say that it took me all the way down to Kirsten Wiig gif to realise that you were super sarcastic…
Personally, I can’t wait to see Ocean 8 with all those fabulous women… by teh way, Sandra Bullock is 53 and Cate is 48 and if they still qualify for being YOUNG, then something has drastically changed…
But I am wondering is tis whole “storm” just because it is an all-women heist movie or is it because it is all-women movie… I mean, I don’t see any kind of debates going on if it would be a drama movie with only Judy Dench, Helen Mirren and Maggie Smith…
Yes I’m not surprised you missed I was being sarcastic Vered, it’s SO UNLIKE ME! 😉