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madness

The King Of Spam

The best I’ve seen yet… And even with the subject line of “Viagra: Be a Big Cummer.” Niiice. Happy Halloween, one and all. Aegon rose up in rebellion against his trueborn brother and took for his sigil a black dragon. These said at last. It would have to be one of them. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Osney Kettleblack resting place. That was a grievous error. Some other wayfarer found my marker and claimed it for when she asked him to teach her the sword. Is that what you want, child? Her old master-at-arms.

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No, Your Script Idea Has Not Been Nicked

In response to Chip’s post about three million years ago on what he calls the “ubiquity of ideas” (alright, it was beginning of Oct, but told you I was busy) here is a list of the stories, scenes and elements I see most often as a script reader… Unlucky in love. Our hero/ine has the worst day at work ever, gets fired and comes home to find their girlfriend or boyfriend in bed with someone else. Sliding Doors was a decade ago people!Pardon me. Scenes where someone splutters “You what?” at the start. Slides through easily most of the time,… Read More »No, Your Script Idea Has Not Been Nicked

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Buy Dr. Who Magazine

I might get the kind of urge to stamp on David Tenant the way you might want to squish some kind of vile insect, but he was perfect for the role of Dr. Who in that he’s every bit as annoying as all the others except that bloke who went on to have a life outside the show in a variety of stuff but whose name I can’t ever remember, Peter Someone. However I am willing to forego this for one week only and instruct you all to buy Dr. Who Magazine. Why? Well, our Jase has loads of articles… Read More »Buy Dr. Who Magazine

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Bang2write on Facebook!!

Alright, alright…. I admit it. All those who have bombarded me with Facebook invites, you’re right! It is fun. I was so disillusioned with the bore that is Myspace I had given up on social networking sites. But I am reborn… As a vampire, werewolf and zombie all in one day. Interesting. I’ve also joined several groups, including the marvellous I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Head. ‘Cos I do. Except it’s probably not so much of a secret anymore, especially since it has 12,000 members. So be my friend please. Ta. Oh, and while I’m… Read More »Bang2write on Facebook!!

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Thought For The Day

A cat does not know what glass is or that it cuts your feet if you tread on it. So how come my cats have never once come in with cut paws from treading on glass even though we live next door to a building site?

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Please Hold…Again

Many thanks for the emails guys enquiring – in various shades of blue – where the “real posts” are. Got a shedload of scripts, two treatments and a script to write plus a couple of meetings to prepare for this coming week. Normal service will resume shortly, promise. Unfortunately at the moment I am just in need of one of these (no it isn’t rude, more’s the pity).

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So Now You Know Boys

As I’ve posted before, I get great spam. I get a lot of rude stuff in particular (I’m told ‘cos “bang” is saucy in The States) and there’s nothing like adverts for Viagra etc in broken English to cheer you up in the morning. However, this is probably my favourite to date, subject line “Wanna Know Secret Success Relationship?”: Gals never leave guys who give them great orgasm. Simple.

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You Couldn’t Make It Up

Some of my childless friends tell me they are apprehensive about talking to children. What do you say? Well, talking about toys, TV and sweets are usually good ways “in” with kids, but so are questions like, “If you had a million pounds, what would you do with it?”, “If the world was made of chocolate, how much could you eat before you throw up?” or “If Dr. Who had to save you from certain death, what would he have to save you from?” usually do it. But how do you say it? Now that’s the minefield. Never, ever affect… Read More »You Couldn’t Make It Up

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If You Want A Job Doing…

I wash the baby in the kitchen sink ‘cos it’s nice and big, means I don’t have to bend over the bath to put her in it (bad back!) and also ‘cos it makes me feel ecologically friendly since it uses less water. This is why a bottle of grapefruit baby bubble bath is next to my Cillit Bang, Washing Up Liquid and other such cleaning products. If you lived in my house, you would surely know this. Apparently not. When I asked my husband to bath the baby last night, he used Morning Fresh Oxygen Washing Up Liquid. But… Read More »If You Want A Job Doing…

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Red Planet Wager

UPDATE: ALL ENTRIES CLOSE AT MIDNIGHT TODAY (05/09/07). I will not be taking any more guesses except those from tmw’s SP bulletin dated 6/09/07 since they would have had to post today (5/09/07). Since Red Planet have now announced they’ve received in the region of 2000 entries, all those who bid UNDER this number have now not made the shortlist – soz guys. So, those who have bid over 2000 are still in the running. And no you cannot re-enter if you didn’t make the shortlist. To re-iterate, this is the number of SCRIPTS entered, not people, my bad, etc… Read More »Red Planet Wager

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Song Meme

I haven’t seen a meme doing the rounds for a while, so I thought I’d have a go at making one up. When I hear music I like I always imagine what kind of scene in a film it could go in, so that’s going to be the focus of this meme: you have to imagine you’re in a particular kind of movie as outlined below and what your soundtrack will be. The deal is, you have to come up with five types of film (or use these ones below if you can’t think of any) and tag five other… Read More »Song Meme

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Kidz

Aaah, children. You never know when they’re going to embarrass you, like the time my son sang Prince’s “Sexy MF” to the whole of Monkeyworld in Dorset or another when he sang Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” to a Somerfield supermarket queue. He asked for gin once when my then-landlord came to inspect the state of my flat and is prone, even now, to mooning his grandparents, aunts and passing traffic whenever he gets the chance. Which is frequently. Best of all, he looks exactly like me, just a boy version, so I can’t even pretend he’s not with me even… Read More »Kidz

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