Sweary Writing Advice

B2W was built on sweary writing advice. Everyone knows this. Yet reviewing the blog’s content recently, I realised I hadn’t been sweary on here in quite a while!! How effing remiss of me (arf).

With a new year approaching, I thought doing a round-up of sweary writing advice would be fun. So, for my less profane Bang2writers, you may want to sit this one out. For those of you who DO like sweary writing advice, let’s fucking go!

1) Write the damn thing

Throw those words down on the page like the trash birds they are. Don’t overthink it. Just do it!

2) Your first draft is supposed to be shit

Oh, you think you can write PERFECTION on your first try?? How effing quaint. Again: just get it done, FFS!

3) Stop giving a fuck about what other people think

So what if people think you’re delulu?? This is your dream, not theirs. Screw them & keep writing.

4) Kill your darlings, even if it hurts like a bastard

Stop whining. If it doesn’t serve the story, it’s gotta go.

5) Consistency beats bursts of brilliance

No, you don’t have to write every single day if that doesn’t work for you. Consistently means whatever you want it to mean, just make sure you show up and do the damn work.

6) Editing is where the magic happens

Writing is rewriting, so quit whinging like a little biatch and get to it.

7) Fuck waiting for inspiration

Treat writing like a job, not a muse you need to woo. People frequently ask me how I get so many words written … not by waiting for inspiration, that’s for damn sure! Write, write, write.

8) Plot holes are just problems to be punched in the face

Keep going! You can fix them later. (As long as they’re actual plot holes and not random nitpicks, of course. Note to self: KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!).

9) Your story matters, so tell the fuck out of it!!

Only YOU can tell this story. Don’t hide or be apologetic about it. Own it.

10) Don’t compare your shit to someone else’s highlights

You’re on your own damn journey.

11) The delete key is your friend, not your nemesis

If it sucks, delete it and move on. Don’t let yourself get stuck.

12) Perfection is bullshit

Good enough is good enough. Finish it.

13) Learn the fucking rules before you break them

Master the craft first. Rebellion comes later … and for the love of all things holy, learn how plotting works! 

14) Not everyone’s gonna like your work!

That’s their sodding problem, not yours.

15) Read more, write more, repeat

There’s no magic bullet, just hard work and practice. Duh!

16) Stop calling yourself ‘aspiring’

If you’re writing, you’re a fucking writer. You wouldn’t call a gardener an ‘aspiring gardener’ just because they’ve not been paid for their gardening, would you??

17) You can’t edit a blank page

So just start typing, no matter how shitty it feels. Hell, if you can’t think of anything to write, then type ‘I don’t know what to write’ and keep going, no matter what! You’d be surprised how far this takes you.

18) Take criticism, not bullshit

Learn the difference. There are people out there who want to hijack your vision, or concern-troll you. Don’t let them. (Want to learn how to protect yourself against bad notes? CLICK HERE).

19) Writing isn’t easy, so quit expecting it to be

Love the grind or leave it behind. No one said this was going to be easy.

20) The middle of your story will suck balls. Keep writing anyway

The murky middle is a bastard, but powering through it is what separates pros from quitters. Just don’t end up in The Story Swamp!

21) Research is not fucking writing!

Stop pretending scrolling Wikipedia counts. Write first, research later. (YES, I said it … and I love research! You still don’t need as much as you think you do).

22) Stop hoarding ideas like a goddamn dragon

Ideas are worthless if they stay in your head. Use them or lose them.

23) You’re not fucking special!

Every writer struggles. Every writer doubts. Do the work anyway.

24) No one owes you a fucking thing

Not readers. Nor agents. Not publishers. You’re the only one who can make it happen.

25) Deadlines are not fucking suggestions

Treat them like gospel, or you’ll never finish a damn thing. Don’t have any deadlines? Create one. Look ahead to various submissions windows for contests or schemes. Plus, you can work on your submissions strategy with B2W this January! Details below.

Get Submissions Ready with B2W

Happy New Year Bang2writers!