#1 Error That Kills Your Pitch
Obviously there are lots of ways to kill your pitch, but there’s a #1 error I see most often. This error is so widespread and so simple, you’ll kick yourself once you see it …
… HIDING your story behind intangible, thematic stuff.
In other words, writers go for VIBES over the actual events of the story.
Instead of being overt about what literally happens, the writer will fall back on that #1 pitching error like this …
- A retired bodyguard faces his demons from his traumatic past as he guides a kidnapped girl back to safety. Not only is ‘faces his demons’ a massive pitch cliché that’s intangible AF, there’s nothing here that we haven’t seen a million times before. There’s a whole subgenre of movies & TV shows in which male guardian-types save young girls! What’s different about THIS one?
- A young woman goes on a revenge quest which sparks a war in a dystopian future world scarred by climate change. Again, we’ve seen this before — so a big yawn, especially as it tells us nothing new. Also, what is the revenge quest for? That’s the key in this pitch, yet it’s been glossed over here.
- A woman becomes obsessed with her lodger, but her sexual awakening takes her to the darkest depths of her soul. Stories of obsession are definitely my jam — I’ve written at least two novels where this is a key theme. But again, ‘the darkest depth of her soul’ is not only a pitching cliché, it’s intangible and doesn’t actually tell us what the story IS … what exactly does this woman DO that takes her into such bad territory??
Now, none of the above are ‘awful’ — and you may see some resemblance to novels you’ve read, or movies or TV shows you’ve seen. However, they DO all make use of ‘vibes’ aka those intangible and thematic elements (as I break down in each one).
NEWSFLASH: Vibes do not sell stories!
If your pitch does not make it clear what literally happens in your story, then you won’t sell your story. Fact.
So if vibes don’t sell your story, what does?
Well, that’s easy: STORY sells a story!
You need to tell us what happens — not in a thematic, intangible sense — literally. I do this by considering two things:
- ‘S’ for story = ‘S’ for STRUGGLE
- ‘P’ for plot = ‘P’ for PROBLEM
Selling our stories ‘off the page’ via a pitch requires us to communicate what the struggle and/or problem the character is going through. This struggle or problem needs to be communicated via events and character behaviour, not thematic stuff.
Your main character needs to find themselves in the midst of a situation, dilemma or issue. This might be metaphorical or literal, but something very bad happens if they fail at dealing with whatever it is.
An Example For You
Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. This is a powerful thematic story about how power corrupts and how certain groups are marginalised at the expense of others. Katniss herself is a case study of survivor’s guilt and the burden of others’ expectations.
When a teenage girl’s younger sister is picked for an annual contest in which children must fight to the death for others’ entertainment, she volunteers in her place & must win the games or die in the arena, live on TV.
See the difference? Let’s break it down …
- We have a main character = Katniss, a teenage girl
- Inciting incident = her younger sister is picked, so Katniss volunteers in her place
- Problem or struggle = now Katniss must fight to the death and emerge victorious (or die, live on TV)
The above makes the person hearing the pitch go, ‘Hmmmmmm, how will she do this??’
THAT’S when you’ve hooked them!
Put simply, a pitch needs to be concrete about what’s happening in the story. We need to know what exactly the character is up against (life-or-death-stakes or not).
Is theme important? Yup
Look, I’ve written numerous times on this site that thematics are important in writing. Hell, I’ve even written an entire book about it! The takeaway here is not that theme isn’t ever important.
But is theme important upfront, in the pitch?
HELL NO. Theme = vibes.
Vibes are worthwhile to discuss further down the line once you’ve hooked somebody, sure. But upfront? NOPE.
Instead, we need to get an industry pro interested in the character’s journey through whatever literal event they’re experiencing.
This is when writers say, ‘But can’t I just say this a story about [XYZ THEME] upfront, in addition to the pitch?’
Nope — again, simply stating the theme upfront in a logline does very little to sell a story. After all, it could be anything!
Concentrate instead on what literally happens to your character.
Stay away from that killer pitch error by avoiding intangibles. I double-dare ya!
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