How To Edit Your Own Screenplay

‘How to edit my own screenplay’ brings writers to this blog every single day. So, when a plucky Banger threw down the gauntlet and challenged me to edit his pages here, I jumped at the chance! Ready? Then let’s go …

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1) First up, here is the original scene the writer sent me.

2) Secondly, here is the scene, with my notes on the actual page for clarity’s sake.

3) Thirdly, here is a “clean” version of the rewritten scene, based on my notes. (FYI – It’s really important to note these are not set in tone. I’m NOT telling the writer what to do, or saying my version is “better”! For one thing, I rewrote the scene in about ten minutes, so it’s obviously not going to be the best it can be! Instead, my changes are just for illustrative purposes).

So, why did I approach the rewrite of the scene this way? Here’s my top 5 tips to help you edit your own screenplay.

1) Remember, SCREENplay (not screenPLAY)

Screenwriting is a visual medium, yet the original scene does not start visually. Instead, it’s two characters simply talking, making it more like a stage play. This is the case with probably most spec scripts. So if you want your script to stand out, you need to get used to the idea of visual writing. Don’t provide an opener just on page one, but in EVERY SCENE. Where does it start? How does it push the story on? What does it reveal about the plot and/or characters?

In this case, Ryan is a bit of a pretty boy and womaniser. He’s also much more naive than Andy and believes too much in appearances … which will end up screwing him over later in the story. This made me choose the shaving motif, especially as knives figure in this screenplay too.

MORE: How Great Visual Writing Works In Your Draft

2) Be Character Specific, Not Generic

In the original scene, the two men are talking about a woman. This doesn’t really say *much* about them as characters (we *may* assume cops are  “blokey” like this anyway). Plus it seemed to me like it’s introduced just so Andy can say, “you’re like a son to me” to connote the fact he is older than Ryan.

With Andy’s teasing – “Princess” – and Ryan’s taunt about Andy’s wife (which Andy then laughs at), we get the idea of who they are. Not just as characters, but what they mean to each other. It also feeds in to their characterisation. Ryan is the womanising pretty boy (as mentioned), but also Andy as the veteran older cop.

3) Scene Description reveals: 1) character 2) story 3) both!

Scene description is a little flowery in the original scene. I cleaned it up here and there, ie. when Jimmy hears the two cops talking, I make use of the phrase “can’t believe his ears” as a sentence fragment and the acronym “WTF?” to convey his reaction. This sort of thing “for colour” is fine and can even add impact to a scene, if used “well” (ie. sparingly).

Also, in the original scene, the writer makes reference to Ryan wanting to be involved in the case. This has “no image” and whilst scene description CAN be added for “colour” as previously mentioned, **this** is arguably a step too far as the audience can’t possibly know what’s going through Ryan’s mind.

In my version then, I cut it altogether and it works quite well I think, though an alternative could be a visual or audio device like Jimmy’s heart thumping or hearing his ragged and panicked breathing “inside his head”, though personally I feel this is a bit overdone at present in produced content.

MORE: 10 Ways To Conquer your Scene Description

4) Hide / Break Up  Exposition Whenever You Can

As with many crime screenplays, there’s lots of exposition regarding the crime itself, which in this script’s case is the killing of Jimmy’s own son. Other scripts that may have lots of exposition include science fiction or fantasy worlds, or screenplays that require some detail about an event, procedure or artefact an audience may not be familiar with and need more information on.

The issue then with the original scene is Andy essentially “feeds” Ryan the important information about the crime. There’s a subtle difference in my version, using the characterisation that Andy is Ryan’s superior: as a learning exercise, he “leads” Ryan’s OWN realisation about the ladder, thus “filling in” the audience on WHY the police believe Jimmy killed his son.

5) “Clean Up” The Page As Much As Possible

As I’ve said copious amounts of times, good format is not about “rules”, it’s about not getting BUSTED. So in other words, do what you like but if you’re going *beyond* the expected, make sure you a) know what IS expected and b) make it reallllllly count! This means doing all the non-negotiables mentioned, such as ensuring dialogue is not generic or expositional and that scene description is lean and as vital as possible.

MORE: Screenplay Format: The B2W One Stop Shop 

Concluding:

The writer’s original scene is certainly NOT “terrible”. But there is a lack of visuals, with a tendency to rely on dialogue to reveal plot and character instead. As a result, the script seems more theatrical or “play-like”. Writing great visuals that reveal both character and story is what separates the pro writers and the aspiring.

My advice is always: go for the visual wherever possible. It will only make your spec stand out, which is half the battle. I hope this post will help you edit your own screenplay.

Good Luck!

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