It’s About Being “Different” …
1) Talents
For example, if you’re particularly good at something like dance, drama, music or singing, you tend to get more attention from the teachers for this reason (as in my case, drama). This can attract unwanted attention from the bullies or ‘The Popularities’ as I call them in my book, because this group of children tend to follow the leader and group together in all that they do, they can’t make decisions on their own and they feel more comfortable being mean as a group, to other kids instead of on their own.
2) Being “Too Nice”
You can also be ‘different’ because you’re nice and polite, this is also seen by the more ‘cocky kids’ as a weakness unfortunately, but nice and polite is a tool for life, they will never be happy if they don’t find that inside of themselves I think.
3) Disability
Disabled children, this is a big one and I dont know where to begin on this one! I’ve actually just been away on a weekend with disabled children, who were bullied for one reason or another. Yet, they were the most happiest children I’ve ever met, (lesson seriously learnt). They had lots of problems which didn’t even occur to them, how amazing is that! (Whereas I worry about a silly ‘spot’). Some were Autistic, some had Downs Syndrome, others had growth problems, others had mental health problems, yet they had a strength that I would have liked to have asked, “Where can you buy that from? Merlin the wizard?” (I love the Merlin series by the way)
I hope that we can conquer children’s ignorance about other children not being the same as us, because they are the very, very, same inside it just takes a little more time for them to communicate.
Harri reading at one of his school workshops
On how Bullies Are Created …
4) Unloved
Yes, there are children who don’t have parents who love them. So they observe their parents and copy all their behaviour because thats all they know. Maybe they see some nasty, unpleasant things going on between their Mums and Dads, so they think that its okay to be mean to other kids as they dont know love, security and self esteem as we do. I feel very sorry for them because they know no better.
5) Sports
Some Dads can be real bullies if their kids can’t play football well. When I was at primary school Mum and Dad always said to me ‘learn the game,’ because in High School, you’ll know how to play and if nothing else, you won’t get picked on … It’s worked out so true! I’m now a Yr 7 and can play a game, not great, but can play; however when I’ve been playing games, some Dads arent very nice and shout a lot of abuse at their boys afterwards. I question that, because that is your Dad!! Isn’t he supposed to deliver you a sense of self esteem? Mine does all the time, in everything I do . Then what do you get, the kid who is going to be exactly the same with his future children as his Dad was?
HOW CAN MY BOOK HELP?
My book is me literally me, ‘Ethan’, the lead character in my book. All the questions and answers that I came up with happened to me for a whole long two years! I call my book
‘The Book That Was Never Meant To Be’ though it is now called
‘The Little Dudes Skool Survival Guide’
Why? Because I kept a diary of my days at primary school yr 4 – yr 5, I also had an imaginary friend called ‘Billy’ who is my friend in my book (based on my cousin.) I was really sad and lonely for a long time, so I would write daily notes on my iPad of what went on in school; I would also find solutions in my imaginary world. Then one day Mum found my notes and became my ‘superhero’: she sorted it all out so quickly that even my bullies and their Mums didn’t know what had hit them 🙂 Cut to the end, she decided to help me turn it into a book… We did!
I think sometimes adults want to make all this business of bullying a little bit long-winded and maybe too careful and ‘politically correct’ if I may say so! My bully was ‘special needs’ so I felt his needs were more listened to than mine in the adult world. I feel that I’ve been through all that ‘bullies’ can throw at you … I also feel that I’m stronger because of all that went on! Therefore what better than a kid who can read my book, written by a kid like me, so they totally feel on a level. I feel that my book is totally honest, says it how it is and is simple for kids to read. We are kids relating to each other and that’s a very important reason why my book can help other children.
It’s simple are you bullied? Well: RTB, RTB, RTB as is in my book … ‘REPORT THE BULLIES’!!!
BIO: Harri Sansostri is a 12 yr old young lad. He is both a professional child actor (having worked in Cinema, film, TV and West End Theatre ) and new author. He was bullied so he decided to do something about it and wrote his book ‘The Little Dudes Skool Survival Guide’. Since the release of the book its been a whirlwind of interviews, author talks, signings, meetings and yes, auditions! He takes it all in his stride and remains the same kid we know well, unassuming, modest and kindhearted! Follow Harri On Twitter as @HGSansostri and visit his website.
Wonderful mature thoughts from such a young man on a subject which does tremendous damage to children, which can carry through to affect people for the rest of their lives. I know teachers have enough to do just trying to teach and cope with the goal posts being moved all the time, but because children spend so much time at school and much bullying begins there or on the way too and from school (I’ll get you out of school!) it needs dealing with, nipping in the bud very, very early. (Where’s Sir Ken Robinson when you need him?) It would be great if parents could deal with their own children who bully, but, be honest, its not going to happen too often. The biggest thing that secures bullying is fear. fear of being bullied again, fear of what parents or friends may say, fear of not being normal, fear of being weak, fear of no one listening and dealing with it, the list goes on. Humans, left to their own devices, and influenced by other factors, develop the legacy of that which made us arise to this position which we have attained, the Machiavellian mindset, which allows us to exploit each other for ill and even reinforces those weaknesses with malice aforethought. It is so hard for a child to let someone know he/she is being bullied and its even seen as a kind of ‘test’ of ones character, a rite of passage. I beg to differ. I watched a programme last night, “The Nazis: A warning from history”. Its probably quite an old programme now. It dealt with the presumption that the SS ruled with fear across Germany by their own fair hands. As the Allies marched towards Berlin, so the Nazis burnt their records, but one town they missed. Here the files, rooms full of them, detailed many people, German as well as others, who did not fit ‘the norm’ and many of whom were sent to concentration camps and usually murdered. One, a young woman, quiet, eccentric, German, not Jewish, didn’t socialise or return a Hitler salute, was reported many times by her neighbours to the SS. Nothing serious, nothing of firm evidence, just gossipy tittle-tattle and insinuation, (could she be a lesbian?) but her differences were noted, she was taken away to a concentration camp and never seen again. You may think the SS had hundreds of people working amongst this particular populace which numbered 1 million. 28. That’s all, 28 SS men ‘controlled’ 1 million. No they didn’t, they were ‘assisted by the fear that was so entrenched within the population. This is not new stuff I guess, but it shows how the majority can undermine the minority with just a few holding sway by fear. A Ted Talk in 2010 by Brene Brown called “The power of vulnerabilty” ends with these words ” Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect – make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.” That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That’s our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate – whether it’s a bailout, an oil spill, a recall – we pretend like what we’re doing doesn’t have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We’re sorry. We’ll fix it.”
But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee – and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult – to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place,I believe, that says, “I’m enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.
That’s all I have. Thank you.
Very inspiring. Keep writing, acting and speaking out!
True courage is ageless.