That’s right. I have it IN THE BAG. And all I had to do was get knocked up underage and be the black sheep of the family, I knew it all had a purpose… Read and learn my friends!

We’re driving in the car at the weekend and Alf, my eleven year old, suddenly asks:

ALF: What happened to Holby Blue?

ME: I dunno. There were two seasons… Maybe there’ll be a third?

ALF: Nope, there would’ve been one by now. I’ve been waiting.

ME: You watch Holby Blue?

ALF: I love Holby Blue!

ME: Okaaaaaaay…

A pause a moment as Hub and I look at each other – WTF? – as Alf blissfully rearranges his converse laces, oblivious. Then:

ALF: D’ya reckon there’ll be a Holby Red, like with fire engines?

HUB: They’d be mad not to.

ALF: Right – but then they’d have to have Holby Green.

ME: What would that be?

ALF: (Rolls his eyes) Vets, of course.

ME: Of course.

HUB: I’m seeing a franchise opportunity here.

ALF: Dave, it IS one already!

HUB: (Suitably chastised) Right.

ALF: *Anyway* – we’d need Holby Brown, too.

ME: Sewerage workers??

ALF: No way! FARMERS.

ME: Oh yeah.

ALF: And then, of course – Holby Pink.

ME: (Timid) Pink?

ALF: Fashion! Obviously.

ME: You do know Holby doesn’t exist, don’t you?

ALF: Mother. I’m eleven years old. Not three.

ME: Right. Sorry.

Tony Jordan, eat your heart out – though for the right fee Alf is AVAILABLE. It’s the school holidays too, there aren’t any child labour laws regarding coming up with TV concepts and series bibles… Is there?!?