That’s right. I have it IN THE BAG. And all I had to do was get knocked up underage and be the black sheep of the family, I knew it all had a purpose… Read and learn my friends!
We’re driving in the car at the weekend and Alf, my eleven year old, suddenly asks:
ALF: What happened to Holby Blue?
ME: I dunno. There were two seasons… Maybe there’ll be a third?
ALF: Nope, there would’ve been one by now. I’ve been waiting.
ME: You watch Holby Blue?
ALF: I love Holby Blue!
A pause a moment as Hub and I look at each other – WTF? – as Alf blissfully rearranges his converse laces, oblivious. Then:
ALF: D’ya reckon there’ll be a Holby Red, like with fire engines?
HUB: They’d be mad not to.
ALF: Right – but then they’d have to have Holby Green.
ME: What would that be?
ALF: (Rolls his eyes) Vets, of course.
ME: Of course.
HUB: I’m seeing a franchise opportunity here.
ALF: Dave, it IS one already!
HUB: (Suitably chastised) Right.
ALF: *Anyway* – we’d need Holby Brown, too.
ME: Sewerage workers??
ALF: No way! FARMERS.
ME: Oh yeah.
ALF: And then, of course – Holby Pink.
ME: (Timid) Pink?
ALF: Fashion! Obviously.
ME: You do know Holby doesn’t exist, don’t you?
ALF: Mother. I’m eleven years old. Not three.
ME: Right. Sorry.
Tony Jordan, eat your heart out – though for the right fee Alf is AVAILABLE. It’s the school holidays too, there aren’t any child labour laws regarding coming up with TV concepts and series bibles… Is there?!?
More obscure opportunities:
HOLBY PUCE: Weightlighters
HOLBY ORANGE: Dutch immigrants
HOLBY TAUPE: Mushroom pickers
HOLBY BLACK: Undertakers
HOLBY GOLD: Prostitutes who specialise in watersports