That’s right. I have it IN THE BAG. And all I had to do was get knocked up underage and be the black sheep of the family, I knew it all had a purpose… Read and learn my friends!
We’re driving in the car at the weekend and Alf, my eleven year old, suddenly asks:
ALF: What happened to Holby Blue?
ME: I dunno. There were two seasons… Maybe there’ll be a third?
ALF: Nope, there would’ve been one by now. I’ve been waiting.
ME: You watch Holby Blue?
ALF: I love Holby Blue!
A pause a moment as Hub and I look at each other – WTF? – as Alf blissfully rearranges his converse laces, oblivious. Then:
ALF: D’ya reckon there’ll be a Holby Red, like with fire engines?
HUB: They’d be mad not to.
ALF: Right – but then they’d have to have Holby Green.
ME: What would that be?
ALF: (Rolls his eyes) Vets, of course.
ME: Of course.
HUB: I’m seeing a franchise opportunity here.
ALF: Dave, it IS one already!
HUB: (Suitably chastised) Right.
ALF: *Anyway* – we’d need Holby Brown, too.
ME: Sewerage workers??
ALF: No way! FARMERS.
ME: Oh yeah.
ALF: And then, of course – Holby Pink.
ME: (Timid) Pink?
ALF: Fashion! Obviously.
ME: You do know Holby doesn’t exist, don’t you?
ALF: Mother. I’m eleven years old. Not three.
ME: Right. Sorry.
Tony Jordan, eat your heart out – though for the right fee Alf is AVAILABLE. It’s the school holidays too, there aren’t any child labour laws regarding coming up with TV concepts and series bibles… Is there?!?