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Your Thoughts, Please

If you were trapped in a place and could only get out with a big key that was in a really inconvenient place, with stuff in the way that could kill you, what would be in the way of you and getting out? The scarier, bloodier and more difficult the better, please. Thanks!

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16 thoughts on “Your Thoughts, Please”

  1. I think it would have to be a sequence of events…

    1) A room full of blinding, white light and large, smiling heads
    2) A school room containing nothing but fear and confusion
    3) A children’s playground… bloodied noses
    4) Exams
    5) The hollow naivety of university life
    6) The unrequited love
    7) Debt
    8) Work (this bit goes on for about forty years or so and contains minor successes that only feed the dream but never sustain the soul)
    9) Kids that grow up to hate you
    10) A marriage that ends in tears
    11) More debt
    12) Illness
    13) Unlucky thirteen… ‘The Key’ (this is the bit where you eventually reach the end only to find that the large key doesn’t belong to you… and doesn’t actually work in the door either)
    14) Death

  2. John – don’t out me just yet, you pest: I’m getting rid of the competition!!!

    Darren – blinding white light sounds interesting. Not least because that’s a lot of people’s idea of heaven/the afterlife. Which church did YOU go to as a kid?? Cripes.

  3. I think beasties are always more scary than contraptions. So something that can bite you e.g. very hungry rats (used to be a medieval torture as they gnawed through you :O ) or wild pigs( a la Hannibal or Deadwood).

    Or giant earwigs…

  4. I agree Caroline – they’re less predictable. What about Rottweillers?? Always thought they were scary mofo dogs. Having said that, I dunno if I have the budget for animal wrangling… Would it be better to build some sort of killer contraption out of cardboard and sticky-back plastic??

  5. Good point. How about very hungry pirhanas? Surely you just need something to blow big bubbles and a bucketful of blood and you’d still have better effects than Pirhana (a film I’ve seen too many times).

    Or a series of mechanical cheese graters 😉

  6. Piranhas are a little James Bond for me. Also Piranhas really are not as scary as everyone thinks. I went on a few dates with a fella who cleaned the piranha tank in an aquarium and he was a real wimp, so if he could take going in there they must be softies.

    Liking the cheese graters though, the Hubster suggested some sort of circular saw device. A circular saw cheese grater… Hmmm, got legs!

  7. Giant badger frogs with claws.

    Cows heads sewn on the back of a dogs body.

    Russ abbott skinned, holding a spoon.

    Those really freaky hairless cats. Have you seen them? Now thats proper scary.

    Nans when they shout at you.

    Small baby like creatures with horrible sluglike black lips and no flesh on their cheeks so you can see their sharp yellow teeth.

    A million worms with big red eyes and teeth like razor blades.

    Christopher Biggins flying yellow stained Y-fronts.

    Lumpy milk that you have to eat your way through.

    Earwax that you have to eat your way through.

    Rabid ventriloquist dolls…that you have to beat your way through :o) Did you see what I did there?

    Erm…I’m hungry.

  8. I’m heating some liver up in the microwave…

    Raw liver that you have to eat you way through.

    A tunnel full of sharp knives.

    Joan Rivers…naked so you can see all those ‘orrible bits that show how old she really is.

    A mountain of used underpants.

    Albino children with Bic biro fingers that reach out and draw on your face. It takes aaages to get biro of your cheeks.

    Hedgehogs covered in stinging nettles

    Hedgehogs covered in John Nettles.

    John Nettles covered in Hedgehogs covered in stinging nettles planted by albino children with bic biro fingers riding cows heads sewn on dogs backs whilst being shouted at by Nans.

    I am spent.

  9. Church, Lucy? Er, what’s that? 😉

    Actually I was just trying to highlight that any ‘normal’ life (from birth to death) is far scarier than a whole parade of made-up nasties. No good for your purposes though, I guess…

    OK, what about Country music… that’s pretty terrifying. You could have a room full of fiddlers and banjo players forcing you to ‘Line Dance or Die!’

    Joking aside… does said key and therefore the exit have to be a physical construct… or can it be a mental/psychological objective? Or both?

  10. Need something *bigger* than a kitchen, Elinor – don’t want to steal Richard stanley’s HARDWARE either ; )

    Darren – definitely physical, preferably both.

  11. Spiders, spiders and more spiders. Does that idea have legs? Or a heap of soggy toast? Yeuch. Or a mound of slushy, mushy, rotting courgettes (just braved the veg rack). Or a room full of immersion heaters (They’re really Daleks in quilted jackets). Or denitists with drills or Aliens (Scott and Cameron versions) or hammerhead sharks or…I need to stop eating cheese before bed.

  12. A small dark room at the bottom of a chute. The room is filled with red trash bags. The key is in one of the bags. You are in the bio hazard repository of a hospital. Used needles, surgical implements, body parts and who knows what. Have fun.

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