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Earwigs and Scissors

Why is an earwig called an earwig? Is it because they *can* live in ears? The reason I ask is because my son is sure there is one in his eardrum. I’m not too sure why he thinks this, especially since I have never seen an earwig in our house – or anywhere in the last eighteen years, now you mention it; not since I went to my mate Lucinda’s house when I was eleven and we watched her older brother Jay chop an earwig in half to see what would happen (it died, in case you were wondering).

Going back to my original point however, if there is indeed an earwig in my son’s eardrum, how did it get there? What does it want? I shone a torch in his ear to try and dissuade him of this notion but he reckons the earwig has (and I quote) “gone ballistic” in there now because it doesn’t like bright lights. I suggested we posted Lilirose’s Barbie ultracool (and super-small) shades in his ear too for next time, but he didn’t fancy it.

What it is to have imaginative children. In addition to earwigs in ears, Lilirose came home from nursery the other day and announced her keyworker JoJo “chopped her head off with scissors” (Lilirose’s that is, not JoJo’s). When I suggested this might be the tiniest of fibs given that Lilirose’s head is still very much on her shoulders, she said with great frustration, “You don’t understand, Mummy!!!”

Evidently. Two writers in the making, perhaps? In other news, my Husband had a dream last night of an alien-induced apocalypse happening here on Earth very soon. You heard it here first. This public information was brought to you by Bang2write.

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10 thoughts on “Earwigs and Scissors”

  1. Stop lying to your children.

    It is a well known fact that earwigs do live in ears and make a living out of recycling ear wax into life size figures of politicians.

    Likewise decapitations can be sewn back on to make it look like the head was never cut off in the first place (everybody knows this, Lucy).


  2. I think your family have just come up with a storming idea for a sci-fi action horror film. Day of the earwig: after an alien (earwigoid) induced apocolypse only (giant) earwigs survive to walk the planet. Apart that is from one family with the power to see the future. But can they defeat the earwigs before they get their heads cut off with earwig scissor-like pincers?

  3. Good Lord, we may just be onto something… I can see it selling for six figures! : D

    (Although you do realise by pointing this out Caroline you’ve proved yourself as mental as my mentlist family???)

  4. I have had numerous woodlice living in my bellybutton over the years but I’ve never had an earwig in my ear.

    I dont think that they crawl in ears anyway. At least I hope not. I hope that insects arent actually named after the thing they are most known for.

    Before my Grandad passed away he gave me his collection of “insects of the world” that he had been keeping since his army days.
    Unfortunately I dropped it on the floor in my lounge and they all escaped.
    If the earwig naming thing is true then I am now really scared of the African bum crawler, Burmese Cockworm and Chinese nipplebiting fannyscratcher that are currently living in my carpet.

    Word Verification today- fring.

    “Where’s my f’ring?”

    Someone swearing when they have lost their ring.

  5. I used to think earwigs were going to crawl into my ears when i was asleep. this was after we did them at school. it’s very frightening.

  6. I thought if you swallowed chewing gum it clogged up your bottom and stopped you from having a proper poo.

    Eventually though it would all come out. After pushing the chewing gum through first and suffering from a hammock effect whereby the lump of sh…you know what, I need to stop thinking such disturbing things!

    Word verification – arfolo

    “arfolo fof bread plees”

    How Johnny Foreigner speaks to a baker.

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