So here you are… Some lovely loglines for you to vote on in the Chrimbo Holidays! Enjoy and please do give constructive criticism where you can (if in doubt as to what constitutes “constructive”, click here). I’ve posted as they were in the emails, no corrections etc – some are longer than 25 words. Do you disqualify them?? Well that’s up to you: you’re the judges people, not me!!
The poll will end on New Year’s Day. GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!
A LONG JOURNEY
A LONG JOURNEY. A neglectful father and resentful son attempt to reconnect as they go on a wild Christmas journey in search of the mythic Christmas Tree. Annelie Widholm, Feature, Family Comedy
A LONG JOURNEY. A malicious stowaway on Santa’s sleigh must prove he’s good or the elves will leave him behind in a lawless village built for naughty children. Joe Cawley, Family Feature
TO THE GRAVE. In a feral future Britain an old man must travel back to his northern home town to take terrible vengeance for a long forgotten injustice. Rob Stickler, Sci Fi Action Feature
DEEP MID-WINTER. Deskbound Angus flees family Christmas enduring cancelled trains, freezing buses, hitching and hiking he reaches his now pensioner crofter schoolteacher. The hungry cows need feeding. Chip Tolson, Road Movie, Feature
A LONG JOURNEY. A shooting star on Christmas Eve inspires an orphaned reindeer to escape from a petting zoo to seek Santa at the North Pole . Sheikspear, Feature, Fantasy
A LONG JOURNEY. Are we there yet, mam? The unborn child can’t wait to be born to begin its proclamations, to the growing annoyance of the parents-to-be … Fi Benson, Dark Comedy, Short
A LONG JOURNEY. December 23rd 1943, James orders: Photograph rocket sites. To return and marry Kathy means taking risks. James’s dies, his 1943 letter arrives Christmas Eve 1993. Ghost Story; nice one tho, despite James’s ditching in the channel and Kathy dying in an air raid. They – and others all return as ghosts. And on their wedding day, the stranger dressed in a Luftwaffe uniform holding the wedding car door open for Kathy and James, salutes them. Ron Shears, TV script
A LONG JOURNEY. When Oil is discovered at the North Pole, a team of evil Prospectors are hunted by a vengeful Polar Bear. Eco-Jaws with fur! An enviro”mental” horror with claws. Mike G. Zealey
THE LAST DAY OF CHRISTMAS. A discredited scientist struggles to expose a Christian fundamentalist biological terror plot before the contaminated Christmas crackers are pulled. Caroline Henry, Feature, Thriller
CRACKERS. After finding a severed finger in his cracker, Geoffrey endeavours to return it to it’s owner on Christmas day, stumbling into adventure along the way. Leon Bell, Comedy-Drama, Feature
CRACKERS. A lost delivery of crack-loaded crackers? Blackmailed Santa Claus has 48 hours to find them before elfish Mr Big adds him to the naughty list. Tom Mitchell, Feature, Comedy
SANTA’S SIDEKICK. When Morgan, the dyslexic crow, gets his dream job helping poor, forgetful Santa, the world wakes up to an unusually brilliant Christmas. Anna Perera, Animation
CRACKERS. This Christmas, be careful what you pull… Two psychopathic sisters deliberately infect HIV with Christmas party one night stands. Sheikspear, Thriller, Feature
CRACKERS. One disgruntled cracker packer. One cracker with extra bang. Holly Mistletoe’s going to kiss them both goodbye before the Queen’s speech. Rach, Thriller, Feature
CRACKERS. After decades of watching the ice melt around his home, Santa Claus finally snaps and travels down to New York on a killing spree. A comedy “slay” ride. Mike G. Zealey
CRACKERS. When legendary Ten-pin bowler Sean le Penn’s arm is irreparably damaged in a freak cracker-pulling accident he must face the biggest challenge of his life and score a strike against the greatest foe he has ever faced, adversity. Alan Salisbury, Comedy, Feature
A CHILD IS BORN
A CHANGE IN THE WEATHER. A workaholic TV weatherman gets more than expected when both his estranged, pregnant daughter, and the biggest storm in 50 years, show up for Christmas. Laura, Comedy Feature
WHO’S CHILD IS IT? After one hellacious Christmas eve Santa returns to the north pole where elves’ court determines who’s the father of the newborn found in his sleigh. Dennis Goldberg, Feature, Comedy
A CHILD IS BORN. A defrocked Priest regains his faith whilst trying to save the newborn Daughter of God from a Devil worshipping sect. Sheikspear, Feature, Thriller
A CHILD IS BORN. As Jose and Maria celebrate the arrival of their new baby, Saviour, a series of angels appear claiming paternity rights, including the brightest angel, Lucifer. Fi Benson, Short, Dark Comedy
GENE DELETED. Kidnapping the geneticist was the easy part. Now all she has to to do is create the ultimate weapon and free her imprisoned son. Elinor, Thriller, Feature
WORMWOOD. A suspicious young doctor takes matters into his own hands when he starts to believe that a child he helped to deliver is not human. Tom, Supernatural Thriller, Short
CONFRONTATIONS AND REVELATIONS
THE STOCKING KILLER. Christopher Mass hates Christmas. Against advice from his psychiatrist, he descends into his own tinselly hell to discover who is bumping off department store Santas. Chip Smith, Comedy Thriller, Feature
DEAD BEAT IN DAKOTA. “Christmas Eve, New York: John Lennon, desperate to recover his Muse, feverishly conjures her up – and three ghosts he must face, to win her back.” Norman Revill, Feature
THE WHISPERING DARK. A man travels to an isolated village where he struggles to discover the truth about the mysterious encounter that drove his folklore-obsessed grandfather insane. Tom, Supernatural Thriller, Feature
NEMESISTER. A boy is convinced his younger sister has acquired evil superpowers so he desperately tries to stop her before she destroys the family, and herself.
Danny Stack and Sam Morrison, Family/Comedy Feature
DICKENS ON WOMEN. The story Charles Dickens never dared tell. His own. David Anderson, Historical Romance Feature.
CONFRONTATIONS AND REVELATIONS. After getting married over Thanksgiving weekend, a rich CEO learns that his new wife is a single mother of three. Robert Hogan, Comedy, Feature
NAILED. An adulterous trophy wife believes she’s in the clear when she meets her blackmailer’s demands, only to discover there’s a far higher price to pay. Alexandra Denye, Short, Thriller
CONFRONTATIONS AND REVELATIONS. A young Priest descended from Christ’s bloodline confronts Satan via a coded passage in the book of Revelations. Sheikspear, Feature, Horror
SECRET CHRISTMAS. Christmas is dead. The renegade celebrants imprisoned. But Grace Goodyear stubbornly ‘believes’; soon she’s ‘Most Wanted’ and accidental rebel leader. The fight for Christmas begins… Andrew Bernhardt, Family Feature
LAST TANGO IN RUSHOLME. A group of amateur ballroom dancers fight to save their practice hall from the clutches of anunscrupulous developer at Christmas. Pete Spencer, Comedy-Drama, Feature
HOPES AND FEARS. When an escaped psychiatric prisoner takes refuge in a dentist’s office on Christmas Eve, his hostages are forced to confront their own hopes and fears. David Bishop, TV Drama
STARLIGHT. A stranded, self-obsessed movie actress rediscovers her lost values when she reluctantly agrees to star in small town’s Christmas pageant. Sheikspear, Rom-Com, Feature
STARLIGHT. It’s Christmas Eve. Goldie, Frank and Myrtle, insurance agents specialising in victim compensation, see a bright light shining to the East. They follow it … Fi Benson, Dark Comedy, Short
STARLIGHT. Night time burns on Twinkle and the fuzzybeams have eaten all the starblock. So Bunny Carrot-top’s gonna make the Candyfloss Run to save their skin. Rach, Sci Fi Animation Short
Sorry guys, couldn’t decide where these went and you didn’t tell me! 🙂
SANTA’S SACK. When a depressed Santa and Mrs Claus face sexual dysfunction difficulties they turn to renowned LA plastic surgeon, Dr Biggar Knobs, to help out Santa and save Xmas. Will Santa get his hole in time to pop down some chimneys? The marvellous Dublin Dave aka DD, Short Film
UNTITLED. Santa has traveled a million miles to deliver your gifts this Christmas. He just wishes he’d remembered his trousers. Dom
Thanks to the prolific Bang2writer Chris Younger for the following:
SANTA’S SWEATSHOP. Elves make all the toys, right? WRONG! Every year Santa stops time, kidnaps all the naughty children and forces them to work in his sweatshop making all the toys for Christmas, and some Nike trainers to give Santa some drinking money. Not a comedy. Santa could be Chris Walken or Anthony Hopkins.
SAINT NICKED. While on a secret drinking spree, Santa is arrested for drunk and disorderly and assaulting a police officer. When he can’t prove who he is, he’s sent to Guantanamo bay as a terror suspect. Hilarity does not ensue! Think Midnight Express meets Miracle on 34th street.
NORTH POLE DANCER (An educational drama). A stripper stows away aboard Santa’s sleigh and taken back to the pole. There she teaches the elves how to pole dance and makes them realize that Christmas doesn’t have to be wholesome, it can be sleazy too!
Alternatively, change stripper to prostitute and call it “Ho! Ho! Ho!”. 😉
NORTH POLE NIGHTS. David Hasslehoff is Santa! While the elves make presents, Santa solves crime with the aid of his ex-alcoholic sidekick Rudolph. Is someone stealing all the ice or is global warming for real? A buddy comedy.
THE NIGHT THE REINDEER DIED. Terrorists invade the north pole, massacre the reindeer, behead the elves and hold Santa as a hostage. Who can save Christmas? Van Damme? Seagal? Chuck? Britney? Rooney?
As you will see, quite a few didn’t specify a title or used the theme-as-title, so watch out when you’re voting that you vote for the RIGHT one! ; )