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5 Things, The Lame Version

As anyone knows who reads this blog, I am a sucker for memes so many thanks to Helen for dragging me away from my current secret work in order to answer this. This meme requires its participants to list five things about themselves that others may consider lame, but the writer is secretly proud of. Gulp. Here goes:

5. I cannot drive a car. Lots of people lambast me about this, including my mother-in-law who says I “owe it to myself” to drive (question: why??) and whilst I say I’m actually thinking of the environment, in truth I actually hate driving and cannot be trusted behind the wheel of a car, as at least two of my driving instructors will testify. So I’m the girl who cannot be taught to drive. Hah! In your face Jeremy Clarkson and all other petrolheads.

4. The C Word. When I was a girl you never heard the C word in conversation (at least in the circles I moved in), saw it written down or heard it on the telly, even after 9 o’clock. Now I had a reading age of 15 when I was 8 and worked out, for myself, that the C word must be “copulate”. I recall telling my mother this with glee and her pretending to be annoyed that I had “found out”. Aaaah. I still laugh when I see the word “copulate” however as well as the real one.

3. I know all the words to “U Got The Look” by Prince. Even the ones that don’t appear to make much sense. But hey, your body’s heck-to-slamming. Crucial. I think I want you.

2. I believe I have been rejected by all the major agents at least once. Some even more so. In fact, it’s really because they rejected me five times in eighteen months that PFD’s agents have all left, outraged that I am not taken on – and not this other thing they’ve obviously made up to cover their grievous error.

1. I resist all technological advances. Even though I know full well I will like the “latest” thing, I will never, ever sign up volunarily and wait for circumstances to push me into it. I have had the same mobile for four years and will only change it when it breaks. I only got digital TV this year because my mother got us a digibox for Xmas; I finally got broadband only because dial-up became impossibly slow and I only joined Facebook because I got about ten invites a week to do so. I will never, ever, ever own an iPod.

So there you have it. I tag my home girls Elinor, Lianne, Lara and those naughty boys Martin and Chip.

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15 thoughts on “5 Things, The Lame Version”

  1. Crikey – I’m gonna have to give this one some serious thought…

    And ‘naughty’? Don’t know where you got that idea from! I’m a fine, upstanding member of the community (some of the time anyway).

  2. “And ‘naughty’? Don’t know where you got that idea from!”

    I’ve read your scripts, Chip. Do you need any more explanation?!? ; )

  3. I can’t drive either. Hurrah!

    Also, I used to be the same way as you re: new technology. Now I have an MP3 player and a laptop, both things I swore I’d never own.

  4. Sounds like heck-to-slamming to me Dave, so one of us is lamer than the other in a) being right AND b) being wrong!

    Sarah, I simultaneously applaud your sisterly solidarity on the non-driving thing and disown you on the laptop/MP3 player: outrageous!

    ; )

  5. I know you’re a script reader and all, but how many times a year do you actually read the word “copulate”? I’m struggling to think of the last time I saw it written down… But you only need to pick up some Irvine Welsh for the other one.


  6. That’s a good Q Lee and to be honest I think probably only 3 or 4 times a year and mostly in novels rather than screenplays if I’m honest… As for the other C word I see it LOTS, I read a screenplay with it in once 27 times. It doesn’t offend me per se and I use it myself from time to time in writing when situations merit it (though I don’t think I ever say it in real life), but when it’s in a script 27 times it just gets boring.

    I’ll tell you the C-word scriptwriters seem to use and that’s “coitus/coital”. It’s SEX baby, FUCKING, screwing, shagging etc – let’s not be shy.

  7. Talking of the C-word, my mother-in-law once called me a twat thinking it was the same as twit. Imagine her embarrassment when I informed her of her mistake. Of such small triumphs are family lives enriched.

  8. Chip, are you thinking of “Coil”? My hub has plenty of their records, unfortunately.

    Elinor, that’s classic. My mother-in-law actually asked me what I was writing the other week… I told her a children’s series. She said, “No really, what are you working on”!

    Anon – all the lyrics I’ve looked up confirm David’s belief that it’s “heck-a-slammin”, but I still hear a “to” in there… Been listening to it all afternoon. And it’s “let’s get to RAMMIN”, can you imagine either saying or hearing that (dependant what gender/persuasion U R?). I would not help but laugh!

  9. I was trying to ‘bring the funny’, but it’s all gone horribly wrong.

    Yes, I know Coil all too well, and a flippin’ racket it is too. I think one of them died recently, didn’t he (was it John Balance)? Fell down the stairs and landed on his head apparently. All of which is nothing to do with your meme of course, but hey…

    And Elinor, your post puts a whole new spin on Roald Dahl’s ‘The Twits’…

  10. Love the “copulate” story.

    I can’t drive either, and I’m quite proud of that most of the time. Until I need to get somewhere the bus won’t go!

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